Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
