all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
