I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
the raccoons are back...
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