i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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