Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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