My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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