He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
