This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
