I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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