Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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