I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think your dad took our porno
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
