You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
