i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
