i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
