you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
