Who wears a wallet chain?!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
