My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
