my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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