i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
