I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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