Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
