just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
