Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
