In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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