she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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