he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
