i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
