i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
