tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
