running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
