i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
