Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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