my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize