...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
