what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
