Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize