let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
