Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize