Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
