thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
