I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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