Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't turn off my feet"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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