It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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