Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
