no, he came in my armpit
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
