Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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