i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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