What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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