Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The air taste purple.
Randomize
