There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
