I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
