It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize