Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
