So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
