I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
