worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
