the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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