I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
