Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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