Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need to calm my uterus...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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