Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize