You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
