She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Randomize
