can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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