Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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