i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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