forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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