I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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