I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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