i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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