I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
