Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
