Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
