I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You pole danced in your parka.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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