ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
