So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
