ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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