i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
