I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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