Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
