im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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