Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize