My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
