there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't turn off my feet"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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