Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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