Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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