ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
