did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
