Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
