So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
