I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
