fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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