Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
