oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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