im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
