Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
did you just send me my own nude
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
