Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
