I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize