Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
