I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I faked an abortion last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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