put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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