I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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