i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
