You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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