Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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