i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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