I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
