She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize