The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
