she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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