he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
