you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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