You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
