I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
