Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
